On Being Fat

I have well-documented problems with my weight. I have never had a healthy body image, and I see exercise as torture. I don't move enough, I don't get my heart rate up enough, and I don't monitor my caloric intake closely enough. It's that simple.

As is my usual practice on a Sunday morning, I have spent a lot of time reading the New York Times online. I managed to get sucked into a very uncivil, and rather frightening, online discussion of whether or not obese people are responsible for the conditions of their bodies.

I'm going to sit firmly on the fence on this one. Normally, as someone that has pretty sharp opinions about everything, I wouldn't hesitate to jump in on one side or the other. But, I truly do see both sides of this one clearly. Yes, I would be much thinner, and much healthier, if I gave my body the respect that it deserves. It doesn't take a genius to understand that exercise + reduction in calories = weight loss. But, it is extremely difficult for me to follow those simple rules. Severe joint pain makes strenuous exercise miserable. Fresh and/or raw vegetables incite riot in my digestive tract. That is not to say that I don't get ANY exercise or that I ONLY eat bad things. That couldn't be farther from the truth. But, it makes an aggressive plan for weight loss very challenging.

The one thing that I am going to do, though, is to cut out alcohol as much as I possibly can. I will still taste wine at the store. I will still have a drink when we go out for dinner. But, I'm not going to buy any regularly. As much as I love a glass of wine or two in the evening, I absolutely do not need those calories.

And then I see photo features like this in the Chicago Tribune. Virtually everything here is fried and FRIGHTENING. My stomach was upset just looking at it.

But first, I have to start by loving myself and forgiving myself. That is always the hardest step.