Laundry Quandary

For the record, my one resolution to write more this year isn't working out too well so far. Of course, I don't need to point that out.

Some families stockpile bottled water and canned food. Some stockpile diapers. Some stockpile junked cars in the yard. We stockpile SOCKS.

I only wish that I was kidding.

Our sock situation has gotten completely out of control due to a number of different factors. First, the evil washer and dryer still are not working as they should. I can't wash more than 1/3 to 1/4 of a load at a time, or the washer goes out of balance. Sometimes, it goes out of balance anyway just to keep me on my toes. So, I have been doing laundry on a "desperate need" basis for the last month or so.

Second, H has never learned how to use this washer and dryer. Yes, he is a very intelligent man with a law degree. Yes, using the washer only requires pushing a few buttons. But, I have spoiled him and have always done the laundry since we've been together. He has never really done the laundry anyway. During that year or so that he was in the apartment with J, I would make it a point to go up once a month and do all of the laundry for him. Invariably, it was horrifying and would result in at least 3 kleenex going through the wash.

Third, H's mom is OBSESSED with socks. I don't use the word obsessed lightly, either. I have more cute socks than I will ever be able to wear. I have socks that will never match anything in my closet. I have socks for every holiday. This past Christmas, she sent to me two pairs of Halloween socks that she bought in 2008 and forgot to send to me. When P was here for Thanksgiving, she took H shopping and bought him AT LEAST 30 pairs of socks. As I have been doing deep cleaning in the closets and around the house, I keep finding the damn things everywhere. Of course, the great majority of them are single pairs with unique patterns so when one is lost, the other has to be garbage.

Never mind the fact that as I've been doing a squillion loads of catch-up laundry, I haven't been taking the time to match all of the socks. I have a pile on the dresser of at least 100 socks. I am not kidding. And, I'm not done with all of the laundry yet.

What I don't understand is why certain clothing companies, particularly an upscale brand that I'll just call "BB, " insists on over-packaging their socks. I found a pile of BB sock packaging on the floor in the closet. More under the bed. Some squirreled away in various drawers in the closet. Some in shopping bags. The packaging mainly consists of belly bands and plastic hangers, but in some cases there are PINS and STITCHES and even TISSUE PAPER. Why, for the love of God, would one need to put tissue paper in a SOCK? At this moment, I have a garbage bag in our bedroom that contains mainly used kleenex, used dryer sheets, and SOCK PACKAGING.

Once the Superbowl is over, my next project will be to go through our dressers and purge all of the old socks and underwear. H won't like it, but he'll survive. Otherwise, I'm going to have to figure out how to cook socks for dinner.