Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Halloween! The greatest show in town happens right across the street.
2. Frost. Now, if it would just snow...
3. Coffee. Nectar of the Gods.
4. Not having to close at the store tonight.
5. Flavor Burst Goldfish in gallon boxes.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Stupid strings of purple lights from WalMart that don't connect. Now what do I do with them?
2. Enormous bags of Halloween candy that beg to be opened ahead of time.
3. External keyboards that won't work.
4. A lingering feeling of depression and malaise. At least it's not so bad that I'm incapacitated.
5. Spiderwebs... and not the decorative ones.
   

Poor Little Sick Girl

It has been a while since I read anything (outside of current news) that has completely enraged me. Sick Girl, by Amy Silverstein, has done just that.

She was a healthy 24-year-old when she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She had a boyfriend that loved her, and was a law student at NYU. It seemed to hit her like a bolt out of the blue. In less than 8 months, she had degenerated so thoroughly that she required a transplant. Sure enough, because she was young and this was so dramatic, she received the heart of a 13-year-old. Anyone else would have been grateful.

From the very beginning, she was admittedly irate with her doctors. Her first cardiologist, before releasing her to another, was told in no uncertain terms that she would ever take prednisone... only because it might cause her to gain weight. She didn't need to know any more about it. She screamed like a banshee and ran down the hall out of her room the first time that a nurse tried to get an IV into her. This behavior from an Ivy League educated 24-year-old?

It took her two months in the hospital to accept that she actually might need a transplant. After all, she wanted HER heart, not someone else's, and even after she had the surgery she complained that her heart was "dead." Yeah, that's the point.

This is where the pity party really begins.

Her boyfriend proposed to her while she was waiting for the heart. Eventually, he married her, and stuck with her through everything. Such a saint I have never seen. She even admits that her behavior was much better when she was around him because she didn't want to upset him. Too bad that she didn't take that hint from him all of the time. Her father organized an enormous wedding for her, complete with handmade dress and 400 guests, and she complained that they all thought that she was well! She had to sneak into the coat closet to take her meds! She had fought for the last two years to ignore her illness as best she could, and then got upset that everyone else was following her lead!

She was supposed to live for only ten years with her new heart, and at the time of publication, had made it for over twenty. Poor, poor sick girl. She finally decided that she was going to stop taking her anti-rejection meds because they were so toxic and so hard on her that her life wasn't worth living. Never mind that her family, husband, and son were completely devoted to her.

Yes, I said son. Perhaps the only non-selfish thing that she did in the entire book was to adopt a boy, rather than giving birth to one.

Ultimately, she learned that the problem was caused by a congenital defect, not neglect from her evil doctors or a virus, as she believed fully. Once she learned that, she was fine with the whole thing! She suddenly turned from a victim that had her life cruelly ripped from her at the age of 24 to a ticking time bomb for her entire young life. It didn't stop her from being a nasty bitch with a death wish, but it made it easier for her to tolerate.

Granted, I have never been that sick. But, I do take a heck of a lot of meds (in fact, for many years I took Imuran, as she does, but in lower doses). And, I do suffer some pretty miserable side effects from them. Immunosupressants are certainly no picnic for anyone, regardless of the dosage. I have also been in tremendous pain, and scared witless, and would have been perfectly fine with dying. But, I've also put on my big-girl panties and moved on with it. Life is good. And, it's a gift. Every day is a gift. Millions of people die because they can't get treatment for diseases like hers, or mine.

The real irony is that she's on the board of directors for UNOS. So, she doesn't want her donated heart, but can help dictate policy for millions of people that do desperately want and deserve organs? That makes me sick.

I thought that it would make me feel better to get this off my chest, but it just makes me angrier. I'm even more angry that I bought the stupid book.

Little Brats Redux

I got out of the shower to find them both at the door staring at me. It looked like something out of a Stephen King novel.

I started to say, "No, you can't have another t--..." then realized that I couldn't say the word "treat" because they would expect one.

Another "No" solicited blank stares with their beautiful golden eyes.

I'm so glad that I have to go to work now. At least I won't have to worry about them staring me down all afternoon.

Little Brats

We are freakishly attached to our cats. They are our kids, after all!

Ever since A had a horrible bout with pancreatitis a few years ago, we have had to give her special diet food. K eats it as well, of course. And, both girls love to get treats. So much so that they will come running from various points in the house when the word "treat" is uttered. We searched in vain for all-natural treats, until H's mom bought some from the Three Dog Bakery for them for Christmas. The girls love them and now we have to order them online.

I ordered another batch the other night, only to find out that they now have LOBSTER. They previously only carried Salmon and Chicken, and of course, they don't like the chicken. I don't even eat lobster! But, I ordered one anyway to test it.

The treats just arrived. I opened the box, asked if anyone wanted one, and they both came running. I gave them a lobster treat. They sniffed it, stared at me quizzically, meowed with concern, and then wolfed it right down. I don't think either one of them chewed it.

I'm so glad that they're happy. I don't think I could handle it if they ignored me or woke me up repeatedly during the night because they were miserable.

(end snark)

Learning to Accept

I'm the sort of person that the Serenity Prayer was made for. I don't like to take no for an answer, and I am always looking for ways to circumvent a challenge to get the desired effect. Over the last few years, I have had to learn to deal with situations that I didn't like in the least but have carried on anyway.

Being in relatively constant pain has been a challenge but has actually been beneficial in a few ways. It has forced me to ask for help (especially with meds). It has forced me to slow down. It has forced me to take my health seriously and not for granted.

I've just started to reflect on what the most recent loss of a job will mean to my career in the long term. This is the first time since I was 15 years old that I haven't had a job in either the retail or publishing end of the book business, and it is frightening. I have always identified myself as a bookseller before practically everything. Now, I can't say that and it leads me to question who I really am.

No conclusions yet, but I hope that it will be enlightening.

Thoughts and Prayers

I wish that I knew how to pray.

No, that's not entirely true. I know how to pray... say the words or think the thoughts. Talk to God. Ask for help, forgiveness, patience, love, protection. Just do it and do it often.

The catch is that I'm not a person of faith. I don't think of praying automatically. And, when I do, I'm not confident that God listens. I've always taken somewhat of a Deist approach to faith, in that I believe that God loves us but doesn't necessarily intervene. He gave us brains and free wills and we have to use them to the best of our abilities. It bothers me enormously when people blame (or credit) God for everything that happens in their lives. Isn't that a bit arrogant? Instead, I ask for guidance and for what is best. When, of course, I remember to ask.

H is a man of tremendous faith. And, I work with quite a few people that are also people of great faith. I envy them that comfort. But, having that strong of a resolve isn't natural for me. Is it disingenuous for me to work to become a person of greater faith now that I really, really need the help and guidance? Or, is it something to aspire to?

Perhaps I should just say the words, think the thoughts, and listen.

Ah-choooooo!

The only thing more annoying than putting on mascara is sneezing right after you have done it.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Red leaves on the maple in my backyard.
2. Octoberfest beer everywhere.
3. Going to lunch with M.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Pretty severe joint pain, especially in my hands and wrists.
   
2. Being dreadfully out of shape.
3. Joe the Plumber.

Sorry. I have run out of thoughts. It will have to be Three for Friday today.

Vote Early and Vote Often

If only voting early would ensure that I don't hear another word about the freaking election.

Knocked Out

I'm exhausted. I have done practically nothing for the last two days but read and sleep. I know that this is one of the first signs of depression, but I don't feel depressed. I'm justifying the exhaustion by my lack of sleep over the weekend. A few glasses of wine + hard-core snorers = only a few interrupted hours each night.

I need to:

1. Get the kitchen cleaned up.
2. Figure out what to do with the butternut squash that I bought.
3. Get my suitcase put away.
4. Pay the rest of the bills.
   
5. Start some laundry, especially the shirts that I'll need for the next three days.
   
6. Figure out what we're doing for the Halloween party next week.
   
7. Plant those fracking trees.
   
8. Trim the ginormous shrubs in the front yard so we can see the Halloween hijinks.
   

What will I actually do?

1. Play on the internet.
2. Check Facebook every 3 minutes.
   
3. Read.
4. Take a shower.
   
5. Have a snack.
   
6. Go get the mail... maybe.
   

My bad. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Why?

Charter changed the channel lineup around. I'm so confused. I never did learn the channel lineup last time they changed it.

Cats Are Weird

A is sitting on the arm of my chair. She is purring and making snorting noises every once in a while. It's adorable.

She Speaks For the Trees

Mom brought the maples. They're all 2-3 feet tall, with huge leaves. There are 6 or 7 of them. I'm not crazy about digging the holes in our clay-filled backyard for them, but the roots are small. I think that I can handle this.

I should do this tomorrow. We'll see.

A Lesson in Patience

It was a lovely weekend. Mom, P, E, and I went to Paducah to see the sights and determine if they would ever want to live there once they retire. The answer was a resounding "yes," thankfully. It really is a wonderful little town, with lots of restaurants, shops, and interesting things to do. We spent the day on Saturday shopping and sightseeing and Sunday looking at homes.

If I need to get going, I want to go. I can be ready to be out the door in 20 minutes, and I don't like to wait around. The other three operate on other schedules. E takes at least an hour to get ready (and an hour is quick for her!), and Mom and P can get ready quickly but take just as long to get their stuff together and get out the door. I was always the last one to shower but the first to go. I also spent a lot of time waiting outside, or in the car. I tried so hard not to show my frustration, but couldn't help it when it took half an hour to check out of the hotel yesterday.

The only time that H and I fight is in the morning. Neither of us can stand getting up, but I get up and moving (quickly) when I have to. He gets up late and moves glacially. It is always stressful for both of us when we have to be somewhere and I have to press him to hurry, because he won't. Thankfully, he is always good about getting up to catch planes because he knows that the thought of missing a flight drives me over the edge.

I need to learn how to slow down. Or, maybe not slow down, but to let other people operate at their own speed.

You Know You're Getting Old When...

You have a special towel just for coloring your hair.

The Tree Saga Continues

B told me that it takes a whole lot to kill a cypress, and that they can bud leaves at strange times. So, it could very well not be dead. I really don't know what to do with it.

Mom is going to bring little baby maples to Paducah. I don't know what I'm going to do with them, but I'll figure it out.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Empty laundry hampers.
   
2. Tortellini a la Vodka from Amore.
3. Mad Men and Sons of Anarchy.
4. A weekend with my Mom, P, and E.
5. Rain accompanied by 60 degree temperatures.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Being treated like I'm going to break down at any second.
2. Being late.
   
3. Shows piling up on TiVo. What was I thinking?
4. Enormous bags of Halloween candy.
5. Regis and Kelly.
   

Comfort

In response to your question, I'm okay. Really. I seem to have skipped the other stages of grief and have gone right to acceptance. I've slept on and off all day today because I'm exhausted, but there haven't been any other symptoms of depression. So far. Keep your fingers crossed.

Last night at Job #2, one of my co-workers, who is truly a man of few words unless they're profane, told me that I might not like it but he is very happy that I'll be around more. It meant the world to me to hear him say that. They have all rallied around me and have made this so much easier. I wonder if the gators wouldn't be that much worse if I hadn't kept this job.

I have a lead on an interesting part-time job as well. As Grandpa says, sometimes it's not what you know, it's who you know.

It's all good.

Some Guys Have All The Luck

So H went to the Apple Store in Green Hills tonight because he wanted to get a preview of Leopard. One $10 raffle ticket later, and he was the winner of this. Un-freaking-believable.

He came into the store SO EXCITED. I don't blame him for a second. He took J and D out to the car to see it in his trunk. It has a 24" screen, for God's sake!

I just wish that it had been cash instead. I could never ask him to sell it, though.

Count Your Blessings, Dammit

We had a special day at a nearby winery with all of the folks at Job #2 yesterday. It was wonderful. They gave us the deluxe tour, and we got to taste all of the wines (which doesn't happen on a weekend). J had lunch catered in. We all got to sit around, laugh, drink wine, take pictures, and enjoy being together.

I am so blessed to work with such a wonderful group of people. They always make me (and H as well) feel completely loved. And, I get paid to have a good time! J said that he would give me as many hours as I wanted, which is such a huge relief. It won't cover everything completely, but it will be better than nothing. Or unemployment.

I guess that this is technically Job #1 now, but for the sake of clarity, it will continue to be Job #2.

Stormy Weather Coming

It looks like it could be very rainy in not the too-distant future.

That sounds about right.

Recipe For a Great Party

From what I've heard, everyone had a fabulous time last night. So fabulous, in fact, that the evening didn't end until 3 am. A few observations:

1. Planning is everything.
   
2. So is teamwork. H was such a great help.
   
3. Don't panic when you see the enormous mess the next morning. That's why God made dishwashers.
   
4. Prepare everything that you can ahead of time.
   
5. Use a crock pot.
   
6. Things break. But, things are also replaceable. What's the point of having it if you don't use it?

It really makes me want to start planning the next one.

Wow.

Back to the job search again. Wow. I had expected it, but not now.

Five for Friday

I was a bit remiss last week, but it was just so nice to be out of town. So, here goes.

Things that make me happy:

1. Ruby Red grapefruit juice.
2. On-time flights.
3. Putting out lots and lots of recycling for the curbside guy.
4. Busy social calendars on weekends.
   
5. Halloween and fall decorations.
6. Being missed by a cuddly cat or two.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Clogged kitchen sinks the day before a party.
2. My next door neighbors.
3. Dirty litter boxes.
4. Putting away all of the debris from traveling.
5. Sniffles that go on for a month.
6. Having to miss yoga because of the aforementioned clog.
   

Dead or Not Dead?

We have two cypress trees in the front yard. The contractors put them in before we closed on the house, and we were never given a choice about what we wanted. But, they seemed to be perfectly nice trees, so we left them alone.

The one by the driveway is lush and big and healthy. The other one is dead, or so I thought. It dropped all of its leaves back in June, and has looked crunchy ever since. But, we left it in place, as the summer is definitely not the best time to plant trees (particularly in the hot South). I had already planned on a nice maple to replace it.

Damned if that tree isn't coming back to life. It's sprouting leaves! Little, tiny, healthy green leaves! What the hell is up with that? It's FALL. Leaves are turning yellow and red and orange and DROPPING. Yet, the stupid cypress in my front yard that had (or perhaps still has) a death wish seems to be coming back to life.

All I want is a maple like the one in the back yard. But, how can I murder a tree that might possibly not be dead after all?

Is It Just Me...

or are coupons getting worse and worse? I would think that with grocery prices skyrocketing that coupons would become more plentiful.

Of course, I could spend a whole lot of time looking for them online, but I don't have the energy for that. Yet. I may have to start at this rate. Thank God it's just the two of us.

It just fuels my loathing of grocery shopping.

Crabby

I am not a very nice person. No, that's not entirely true. I'm not a bad person at all. But, airports bring out the worst in me every single time.

It's not the endless waiting in line. It's not the hike of 6 miles to get to the gate. It's not the schlepping of the overstuffed suitcase onto a shuttle bus. It's the talking.

I am one of those people that appear approachable. Strangers come up to me out of nowhere to ask directions, or questions, or for help, or just simply to make conversation. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, but when I'm traveling, I want to enjoy the traveling. I don't want seven different strangers ask me what brings me to X destination. I don't want to watch someone's bags when they say that they'll be gone for 5 minutes that turn into 20. I don't want to explain, although the gate agent already has twice, how to get on the freaking plane.

I love to travel. Packing is sport. So is buying tickets and making all of the minute yet essential arrangements. I would travel professionally if I could figure out how, and it makes me sad that travel agents are going the way of dinosaurs in this age of Travelocity. When I'm in an airport, I want to soak it all in and relax. However, I must have some target that calls me out as a sucker for helpless little old ladies.

Don't get me wrong... some of my favorite people are little old ladies. However, none of them are helpless or act that way. Traveling isn't scary or terribly difficult. Just pay attention. And please, give me a break. Just once.

Divine Dinner

I just had the most wonderful dinner that I've had in a long time. It was seared diver scallops with pureed sweet potatoes. I'm not normally a fan of sweet potatoes, but these were creamy and not overly buttery with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg. A glass (or two) of La Crema Chardonnay worked perfectly with it.

I want to curl up in a little ball and purr for a while, but I have to pack both of us up to go home. And, as H is a champion souvenir shopper, it will be no small task. I may make him go get me a beer before this is over.

I don't want to leave Colorado Springs. I really love it here. But, I miss the girls, and we both do need to work. Bully for us.

One More Thing About Warnings from Locals

If they tell you to drink a lot of water, because the altitude affects alcohol and medication intake, DO IT. They're not kidding and you will be unspeakably embarrassing to your friends and H because your tolerance is only about a third of what it normally is.

The good thing is that I wasn't hung over the next day because I had hardly anything to drink, but I more than paid for it the night before.

Prudence is the better part of valor. Yes, you heard me say that.

Perils of Pike's Peak

After their class let out yesterday, H and his friend D and I decided to drive up to Pike's Peak. The entrance to the park is only 10 miles from the hotel, and it's less than a 40 mile round-trip drive. Just for a little background information, we started at about 6500 feet at the beginning, and the peak is 14,410. The drive was gorgeous. The aspens have all changed to an incredible golden color, and not many have dropped their leaves yet. As the elevation rises, the aspens disappear, and then the conifers at about 12,000 feet (the timberline).

It had also started to snow.

I was sooooooo excited. I can't get enough snow under normal circumstances. It was spitting at first, but then turned into beautiful flakes pretty quickly. At that point, I was only unnerved by the fact that we were in a rental car that I wasn't 100% comfortable with, but at least it was large. But, the drive up isn't paved the entire way, and I didn't know if the pavement or the unpaved area was more slippery.

We got to the peak, white knuckling and heavy breathing the entire time, and got out of the car into the gusting wind to go into the Visitor's Center. Of course, the visibility was only about 10 feet (as it was on the last 1000 feet of the drive). I was very dizzy and out of breath, but wasn't sure if it was because of the altitude or because I was freaking out, or both. Most likely both. We were in the Visitor's Center when they came on the loud speaker to "strongly advise" that we start down because conditions were worsening and Park Rangers would come to escort us down. We didn't wait for the Rangers, because other people were heading down as well.

No sooner did we start down then the car skidded. Not so much that H and D noticed, thank God, but enough that it made me want to throw up. One thing that I may not have mentioned about this glorious ride is that there are VERY FEW GUARDRAILS. Hmmmm. Not like a Dodge Charger in the slippery snow would have been stopped by one anyway. Thankfully, that was the only time that it skidded and we crawled down the mountain until the snow disappeared at about 10,000 feet.

Then, we were treated with some of the most beautiful sights that I have ever seen. The sun was out, the trees were glowing, the water was so blue, and we stopped at every chance we could to get pictures.

Sorry we did it? Absolutely not. But, I'm paying for it today. I have had a screaming headache all day, partly brought on by stress and partly brought on by a klonopin hangover (see the next post about altitude and medication). H took D to the airport and did some running around, and I've slept all day. I'm starting to feel human now.

Purple Mountains Majesty

Whew. What a week.

It stared off with Job #1's biannual seminar. Nothing like being at the Opryland hotel, getting lost, and walking for miles and miles and miles while being happy and wearing lipstick. :(

On Wednesday, I was able to escape a little early, but still had to go home to do laundry, clean up the house, and get both of us packed for Colorado. H has a seminar here, and I came along for the ride. We both really needed to get away.

The view from the hotel is gorgeous. We're on the 10th floor on the Northwest corner, so we have views of the mountains from both the West and the North. So much better than the time that we had the view of Ground Zero from the 55th floor! We're going to Pike's Peak tomorrow with one of his colleagues, and then the USAF Academy chapel and USOC training facility. My friend A, who we're meeting for dinner tonight, might be able to give us some hints as well.

The only real snafu is that my luggage didn't make it with me. However, Southwest was great about the whole thing, and a courier brought it to me about half an hour ago. Yay! I had a feeling that I should have carried the bag on, but I was so tired from the busy week that I just didn't feel like lifting the bag over my head. Lesson learned.

I have to jump in the shower now, as I have an appointment for a facial at 2:45. Shameless, no?