Pain

I think that the Remicade is doing something to help. Up until a week ago, I was feeling much better. Not much pain, or diarrhea, or cramping. But, lately it has felt like the switch was flipped. I have been living in hot showers and bed. I stayed in bed and slept until 4 (!) today because I was so achy I couldn't bear the thought of moving around.

Remicade is coming on Thursday. I'm so relieved. I really, really hope that it is helping.

On Being Fat

I have well-documented problems with my weight. I have never had a healthy body image, and I see exercise as torture. I don't move enough, I don't get my heart rate up enough, and I don't monitor my caloric intake closely enough. It's that simple.

As is my usual practice on a Sunday morning, I have spent a lot of time reading the New York Times online. I managed to get sucked into a very uncivil, and rather frightening, online discussion of whether or not obese people are responsible for the conditions of their bodies.

I'm going to sit firmly on the fence on this one. Normally, as someone that has pretty sharp opinions about everything, I wouldn't hesitate to jump in on one side or the other. But, I truly do see both sides of this one clearly. Yes, I would be much thinner, and much healthier, if I gave my body the respect that it deserves. It doesn't take a genius to understand that exercise + reduction in calories = weight loss. But, it is extremely difficult for me to follow those simple rules. Severe joint pain makes strenuous exercise miserable. Fresh and/or raw vegetables incite riot in my digestive tract. That is not to say that I don't get ANY exercise or that I ONLY eat bad things. That couldn't be farther from the truth. But, it makes an aggressive plan for weight loss very challenging.

The one thing that I am going to do, though, is to cut out alcohol as much as I possibly can. I will still taste wine at the store. I will still have a drink when we go out for dinner. But, I'm not going to buy any regularly. As much as I love a glass of wine or two in the evening, I absolutely do not need those calories.

And then I see photo features like this in the Chicago Tribune. Virtually everything here is fried and FRIGHTENING. My stomach was upset just looking at it.

But first, I have to start by loving myself and forgiving myself. That is always the hardest step.

Unreal

I feel as though I have gone from 0-60 in nanoseconds.

What relevance does the sexual orientation, or sexual recognition, have to job performance? What is the big freaking deal if someone is trapped in a man's body and realizes that they are a woman and wants to make that change?

Why is that anyone's business?

Of course, in Florida, it would be a big deal. Many problems with the United States are brought to light in Florida.

I've been watching Her Name Was Steven on CNN. To say that I am pissed off is perhaps the understatement of the year.

Peaceful

What a lovely morning. Or, should I say, afternoon? I am drinking marvelous, freshly-ground coffee and eating blueberry pancakes. I have a purring and snuggly Annie in my lap. The rain is gently falling outside. I want to freeze this moment forever.

Five for Friday

Feelin' kind of listy. Listy as in wanting to make lists, not listy as in tipping over. Although, I'm pretty good at that too.

Things that make me happy:

1. Waking up to spooning with Katie.
   
2. Tulips peeking up out of the flower beds.
3. Warm, fragrant showers after a long day.
   
4. My Great-great-grandmother's china cabinet.
5. Teeny tiny little shrub cherry sprouts.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Being asked to dust shelves at the store. Ridiculous.
2. Stinky shoes.
   
3. Charter Communications. They are completely incompetent.
   
4. Biting my nails without even realizing that I'm doing it.
   
5. Forgetting to bring a book to work to read during lunch.

Found it, But Might Have to Lose it Again

I have started watching Lost from the beginning. When it was brand new and really really cool, I watched the first season. Then, I stopped watching it.

I'm about a quarter of the way through the second season, and I am Sick To Death of the Kate drama. Does it get any better? Wait, don't answer that. I know that she hasn't been killed off yet on the show, so it probably doesn't.

Five for Tuesday

Late as usual.

Things that make me happy:

1. The smell of rain, even on pavement.
2. A cuddly, purry, meowy Annie (even at oh-hell-no AM).
   
3. Minibar.
   
4. Being able to watch Lost episodes on Hulu.
5. The Prairie Home Companion Joke Episode.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Alarm clocks.
   
2. Jay Leno.
   
3. The smell of tequila.
4. Giving up HBO just in time for The Pacific to start.
5. Babies needing surgery. But, C is all better now so it ended well.
   
6.