Illinois Business as Usual

G-Rod is now Gone-Rod. Heh.

Subversive Thought of the Day

Angelina Jolie has scary man hands.

Just What I Wanted to See

Porn in High Def. Eeeeeeeeew.

Better Living Through Chemistry

Today, I felt normal.

Well, almost normal. I still have this rotten stinkin' cold, but other than that, mentally normal.

This is the first time in as long as I can remember that I had a day off and I accomplished (almost) everything that I wanted to do. The fact that I wanted to do ANYTHING other than sleep all day is huge in and of itself. I even got up earlier than I had intended. And, I was showered by 12:30!

I think that this victory can be attributed to a few things: the love of a wonderful man, better meds, and virtually no stress. H has been so incredibly patient and loving with me, and I can't begin to express how grateful I am for him. I knew that Lexapro works much better for me than Effexor, but it has taken a while for it to really kick in. And, we completely underestimate how much stress wreaks havoc on our bodies and minds.

I didn't get in everything that I wanted to accomplish, but it was still a huge step for me.

I feel like a useful person again. I can't describe how good that feels.

Freak-Out-of-the-Day

I carded a kid (!) today that turned 21 a few days ago.

He was born in 1988.

I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL in 1988.

What Have I Done?

New plasma TV.

We had planned on going away for a long weekend to celebrate our 5th anniversary in March, but decided to spend the money on a new TV instead.

It is beautiful, though. We just watched parts of Finding Nemo on it, and the color is amazing. Charter is coming to install HD on Wednesday, and I might never want to leave the house again.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Tylenol cold medicine. It works!
2. Getting my eyebrows waxed.
3. Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer.
   
4. Finding books that I forgot that I bought.
5. Receiving Christmas presents in January.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. My short fuse. It's been shorter than normal these days. Not sure why.
   
2. Missing my nap times in the middle of the afternoon.
3. Buying nail polish that looks great in the bottle and horrible on my hands.
4. Finding enormous dust mice under the furniture, along with hundreds of cat toys.
5. Very, very sore wrists.
   

Good Friends

I'm a terrible friend. No, that's not entirely true. I can be a very good friend. But, I lose touch with friends very, very easily.

I think that's the natural progression of things. We have different friends at different times and they serve different purposes. As we grow up, we move on. It's very easy for me to use the lack of simple technology (Facebook, email, cell phones) to not talk to people.

The last few weeks have been a revelation. I've heard from old friends from grade school, high school, college. Former teachers. Former co-workers. Many of them have said that they think of me and wonder where I've been. All are happy to hear from me and most want to get together for a drink.

Malcolm Gladwell, in Blink, refers to some people as "connectors." Those are the people that never lose touch and are always accessible to everyone. I have never been one of those. But, I will work hard to maintain the connections that I have now, and foster them. I have already been able to "connect" two people that didn't know each other previously for business purposes. It's all a good thing.

The best and most important lesson to take away from this is that I am loved. And, it's not just me. We're all loved, and I do love the people that I've reconnected. I have missed them and want to share our lives.

The New Austerity

It's not really new, but I'm actually enforcing it now.

Please find below a list of items that I wanted to purchase within the last 48 hours but didn't.

1. OPI nail polish (but I can't remember which color I like).
2. Michelle Obama's green gloves from J Crew.
   
3. Books on wine from Amazon.
4. Lots of hair products from Aveda.
   
5. Aretha's fabulous hat.
6. Pop Tarts (although, that has less to do with austerity and more to do with flab).
   

Day by day, baby. Day by day.

Overdosing on Obama

Not that this is a bad thing, mind you.

I have been watching CNN since 8 this morning, and I can't get enough of it. I did take a short nap at 5-ish, but other than that, have been spellbound.

I have also gone to the J Crew website to try to order Michelle's green gloves. What is wrong with me? I don't even WEAR gloves. I don't live in an area that requires gloves. Good thing that their site is down so I couldn't spend more money needlessly.

Yay, Barack! Yay, Michelle! I am thrilled.

Six for Sunday

I've been bad lately about posting. I've thought about a few things to say, but haven't gotten around to doing anything about it. Tired, yo. Sorry.

Things that make me happy:

1. J's guacamole recipe.
2. The return of Battlestar Galactica, even though it's extremely depressing.
3. Having a house full of people, and they're all having a great time.
4. Coming home to a full crock pot of goodness.
5. Snuggly kitties.
6. Passing all of the bill-paying responsibilites over to H.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Cold feet (literally, not figuratively).
2. Football players with long hair that hangs out below their helmets.
3. Wind chill. In Tennessee. Who knew?
4. Ellen Tigh.
5. Perpetual sniffles.
   
6. Having to do six million small loads of laundry instead of three million larger ones.
   

Boy, am I boring. I consider that to be a huge victory.

Subversive Thought of the Day

I am glad that the Titans lost. They didn't deserve the record that they had. One more week of listening to everyone at Job #1 bitch about the blown calls and then the football season will FINALLY be over. Or, so I pray.

Momentary Lack of Reason

Every few years, I have a meltdown when my biological clock goes off unexpectedly.

I think that I've made it perfectly clear in this blog that I don't want children, I don't particularly like children, and I've never wavered from that. However, I know full well (and am reminded periodically) that this lack of desire is not normal for a woman. Most women like kids and want kids and some will even do stupid things in order to have kids. Not me.

Yesterday, I started second guessing my decision. I'm staring down 40, and am certainly not healthy, so if I were to do it I would need to do it soon. No pressure or anything.

H and I touch base with each other occasionally about it. The conversation usually works as follows:

H: "Given any more thought to it?"
Me: "Hell, no."
H: "Me either."
Me: "Good. Let's go out to dinner and then sleep all day tomorrow."

He doesn't like kids any more than I do, and labored under the delusion for many years that men were supposed to get married and have kids. There didn't seem to be any alternatives to that plan. I quickly disavowed him of that, and he's been very happy ever since.

So, I had a minor freakout, made a few phone calls that freaked out the recipients, and then calmed down. Then the fun really started.

I spent hours and hours last night throwing up. At first, I thought that it might have been the bug that was going around. But, the bazooka barfing came on much too quickly, along with other very unpleasant things. And, it took place not long after I had Chinese food from our local, mediocre carry-out joint. This caused even more interesting conversations to take place.

H: "What would you do if you were this sick and had a newborn that needed feeding?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."
H: "And what if you were this sick for the entire 9 months like your sister was?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."

Delirium does odd things to people. Remind me never to need chemotherapy, either.

Childhood Memories Revisited

As expected, we had an enormous amount of snow and cold weather when I was growing up in Chicagoland in the the 70s and 80s. One of the most important tools that we had in the house was our crock pot. Mom used it almost daily. We would come home from school, or inside from playing, and the entire house would be filled with the smell of something wonderful for dinner.

Of course, Mom would be near by exhorting us not to open the lid. The steam is what cooks the food, after all, and opening the lid would add half an hour onto the cooking time. Or, so she said. I could never substantiate that.

I have a 6 quart crock pot that Mom bought for me when I first moved out of the house. It's beautiful, and works wonderfully, but it's huge. So huge that I only use it for holidays or parties. There is just way too much to put into it for two people, even if we freeze half of it and eat lots of leftovers. When Linens 'n Things started their out of business sales, I bought a 4 quart one thinking that the size would be more reasonable for the two of us. It's perfect, but for one small glitch.

When you walk in the door, you smell NOTHING.

I put beef stew in it yesterday before I went to work. I also told H about it, so he was eagerly anticipating the smell and taste as well. When I walked in the door at 8:15 last night, I smelled nothing at all. Nothing. Turns out that there is a gasket on the lid that keeps all of the liquid (and aroma) in the pot where it is supposed to be. H said that he looked at it and touched it to make sure that it was working when he got home and smelled nothing. I checked it numerous times before I left the house but it was early enough in the process that I didn't expect to smell anything.

The stew was wonderful. I will put more salt and pepper and garlic in it for next time, but this was great for a first pass. And, once I opened the lid to check on it and give it a stir, the whole house was filled with the wonderful aroma. But, it wasn't quite the same as walking in the door and smelling dinner.

Sometimes technology isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Having a full day off and not being so exhausted that I need to spend the entire day in bed.
2. Pants that are a little too loose in the rear end and thighs.
3. My beautiful hands now that my nails have grown out.
4. My new Touch. Bejeweled 2 is The Bomb.
5. Being at peace. It's been tough, but I think that I'm there. Almost. Kind of. So help me, dammit.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Weird weather. Either be cold or be warm or rain or snow. Make up your fraking mind.
2. Budget cuts. But, they all make sense and it's liberating in a strange way.
3. Sciatica (or whatever the hell it is) in my left butt cheek. At least it's not radiating down my leg.
   
4. Having to take down the few Christmas decorations that I put up in the first place. Where did the season go?
5. The way that the house can become a mess even when we're never here. What's up with that? I feel like I'm constantly cleaning. I can't imagine how terrible it would be if we had kids.
6. Mustaches. They don't bother me when they're on men, as they're supposed to be, but on me? Hate. It. Bring on the depilatories.
   

Dude!

I have several pairs of pants that have been quite tight recently. So tight, in fact, that I wasn't able to button them and breathe.

Now, they button. There is even a little wiggle room. Who'd a thunk it?

Move that Booty

Sooooooo tired. But, it's a good tired (even though I only had two hours of sleep last night).

I have been sleeping at every opportunity, but in a good way. If you can call sleeping all day "in a good way." Job # 1 has been incredibly busy, between the holidays and all of the restocking afterward. I haven't been to Job #2, but will go back on Sunday. It feels so good to be doing brainless work.

No, that's not true. It's not brainless, because much of the work that I've been doing at Job #1 has required forethought and planning. And merchandising vision. Can't forget the vision. But, as most of the planning is done for me, I don't have to think too hard. It's kind of nice. It sure beats the hell out of being stuck at the cash register all day.

Now, I just have to learn how to sleep again. Last night was particularly rough because H was thrashing about. I ended up leaving our room and camping out in one of the spare rooms. It was bad enough that both cats defected with me. I would like to go to sleep now but it is a little too early. I do have my pajamas on, though.

New Year, New You

Like millions of other Americans, I make lots of resolutions every January First that I never, ever keep. Many of my resolutions don't even make it past the first week of January. Keeping that in mind, I'm going to keep it simple this year.

I am going to learn how to let go.

Let's face it... my life has differed wildly from what I hoped or expected. And, that is fine. Really. I have a wonderful husband, family, friends, job. I need to count my blessings and let go of everything else.

I don't need to make a small fortune. I certainly don't need a lot of job pressure or travel. I don't need to have a Blackberry. I don't need business cards. I do need to feel appreciated. I need to put the right thing in people's hands at the right time. I need to get exercise. I need to be able to shut it off when I walk out the door.

Most importantly, I don't need to control every situation that I'm in. I never did anyway, but deluded myself into thinking that I had some say.

It's all about delusions in the long run, isn't it?