Momentary Lack of Reason

Every few years, I have a meltdown when my biological clock goes off unexpectedly.

I think that I've made it perfectly clear in this blog that I don't want children, I don't particularly like children, and I've never wavered from that. However, I know full well (and am reminded periodically) that this lack of desire is not normal for a woman. Most women like kids and want kids and some will even do stupid things in order to have kids. Not me.

Yesterday, I started second guessing my decision. I'm staring down 40, and am certainly not healthy, so if I were to do it I would need to do it soon. No pressure or anything.

H and I touch base with each other occasionally about it. The conversation usually works as follows:

H: "Given any more thought to it?"
Me: "Hell, no."
H: "Me either."
Me: "Good. Let's go out to dinner and then sleep all day tomorrow."

He doesn't like kids any more than I do, and labored under the delusion for many years that men were supposed to get married and have kids. There didn't seem to be any alternatives to that plan. I quickly disavowed him of that, and he's been very happy ever since.

So, I had a minor freakout, made a few phone calls that freaked out the recipients, and then calmed down. Then the fun really started.

I spent hours and hours last night throwing up. At first, I thought that it might have been the bug that was going around. But, the bazooka barfing came on much too quickly, along with other very unpleasant things. And, it took place not long after I had Chinese food from our local, mediocre carry-out joint. This caused even more interesting conversations to take place.

H: "What would you do if you were this sick and had a newborn that needed feeding?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."
H: "And what if you were this sick for the entire 9 months like your sister was?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."

Delirium does odd things to people. Remind me never to need chemotherapy, either.