Lost and Not Yet Found

This whole head trauma thing has freaked me out more than a little.

I am an incredibly clumsy person. There is truly not a graceful cell in my body. I am always having small but humorous disasters. Yesterday, though, I outdid even myself.

We did our Once-a-Month Cooking thing yesterday at our house. It went well, and was only moderately chaotic, until we realized that we were short one pork chop. One lonely, stinkin' pork chop. So, because I have a freezer full of goodies from Omaha Steaks, I crouched down in front of the freezer to dig around and find that one lonely, stinkin' pork chop. In the process, I lost my balance, fell backwards, and hit my head on the counter on our center island. Hard.

I didn't lose consciousness, thank God. But, my vision did black out and I could only see peripherally for what felt like forever. During the blackout, I did see someone rushing at me at the speed of light. When I finally came around fully, I realized that it was K. I didn't have any pain initially, but the headache increased as the knot on the back of my head grew.

At first, I didn't feel so terrible. But, as time elapsed, I started to feel as though I was drunk and underwater. Everything was moving slowly, and I felt very slurry. I also couldn't remember anything from minute to minute. The girls got the kitchen cleaned up, they went home, and I dragged myself upstairs to discuss with H and Mom. J came over after D told him what happened, and he reminded me that his mother died of a similar injury. Point taken.

We decided to go to the ER. A few hours later, after a CT scan, we learned that everything was okay. I did not have a concussion, as I never lost consciousness, but I did have some pretty solid head trauma. And, my brain had gotten a bit of a stir and I was certainly going to feel the effects for a few days. I didn't really put together how much of a stir that I had until I got to work tonight.

I had trouble making change. I put things in the wrong places. I couldn't bend over to straighten a shelf without my head throbbing. I couldn't finish sentences. In fact, I still can't even typing this now. I have already had to start over countless times because I can't remember what I meant to say. S said that I had a "puppy" look about me tonight. Normally, my look is serious and determined and I simply wasn't all there. I would find myself zoning out and a few of our regulars called me on it.

I cannot imagine what it would feel like to be like this all of the time. I am certainly not the smartest person in the world, but I am sharp. I don't miss much and am very well spoken. But, for the next little while until my brain settles down, I am not well spoken and can't remember what I did 10 minutes ago. What of people that have injuries like this that are permanent? There are thousands of soldiers coming back from Iraq with brain injuries that will never heal. I'll bet that they have trouble finishing sentences as well.

I'll be fine, but I will always be terrified that this will happen again. Unfortunately, because I am a colossal clod, odds are against me. I will not argue about going to the ER next time.