Subversive Thought of the Day

I am glad that the Titans lost. They didn't deserve the record that they had. One more week of listening to everyone at Job #1 bitch about the blown calls and then the football season will FINALLY be over. Or, so I pray.

Momentary Lack of Reason

Every few years, I have a meltdown when my biological clock goes off unexpectedly.

I think that I've made it perfectly clear in this blog that I don't want children, I don't particularly like children, and I've never wavered from that. However, I know full well (and am reminded periodically) that this lack of desire is not normal for a woman. Most women like kids and want kids and some will even do stupid things in order to have kids. Not me.

Yesterday, I started second guessing my decision. I'm staring down 40, and am certainly not healthy, so if I were to do it I would need to do it soon. No pressure or anything.

H and I touch base with each other occasionally about it. The conversation usually works as follows:

H: "Given any more thought to it?"
Me: "Hell, no."
H: "Me either."
Me: "Good. Let's go out to dinner and then sleep all day tomorrow."

He doesn't like kids any more than I do, and labored under the delusion for many years that men were supposed to get married and have kids. There didn't seem to be any alternatives to that plan. I quickly disavowed him of that, and he's been very happy ever since.

So, I had a minor freakout, made a few phone calls that freaked out the recipients, and then calmed down. Then the fun really started.

I spent hours and hours last night throwing up. At first, I thought that it might have been the bug that was going around. But, the bazooka barfing came on much too quickly, along with other very unpleasant things. And, it took place not long after I had Chinese food from our local, mediocre carry-out joint. This caused even more interesting conversations to take place.

H: "What would you do if you were this sick and had a newborn that needed feeding?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."
H: "And what if you were this sick for the entire 9 months like your sister was?"
Me: "BLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGH."

Delirium does odd things to people. Remind me never to need chemotherapy, either.

Childhood Memories Revisited

As expected, we had an enormous amount of snow and cold weather when I was growing up in Chicagoland in the the 70s and 80s. One of the most important tools that we had in the house was our crock pot. Mom used it almost daily. We would come home from school, or inside from playing, and the entire house would be filled with the smell of something wonderful for dinner.

Of course, Mom would be near by exhorting us not to open the lid. The steam is what cooks the food, after all, and opening the lid would add half an hour onto the cooking time. Or, so she said. I could never substantiate that.

I have a 6 quart crock pot that Mom bought for me when I first moved out of the house. It's beautiful, and works wonderfully, but it's huge. So huge that I only use it for holidays or parties. There is just way too much to put into it for two people, even if we freeze half of it and eat lots of leftovers. When Linens 'n Things started their out of business sales, I bought a 4 quart one thinking that the size would be more reasonable for the two of us. It's perfect, but for one small glitch.

When you walk in the door, you smell NOTHING.

I put beef stew in it yesterday before I went to work. I also told H about it, so he was eagerly anticipating the smell and taste as well. When I walked in the door at 8:15 last night, I smelled nothing at all. Nothing. Turns out that there is a gasket on the lid that keeps all of the liquid (and aroma) in the pot where it is supposed to be. H said that he looked at it and touched it to make sure that it was working when he got home and smelled nothing. I checked it numerous times before I left the house but it was early enough in the process that I didn't expect to smell anything.

The stew was wonderful. I will put more salt and pepper and garlic in it for next time, but this was great for a first pass. And, once I opened the lid to check on it and give it a stir, the whole house was filled with the wonderful aroma. But, it wasn't quite the same as walking in the door and smelling dinner.

Sometimes technology isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Having a full day off and not being so exhausted that I need to spend the entire day in bed.
2. Pants that are a little too loose in the rear end and thighs.
3. My beautiful hands now that my nails have grown out.
4. My new Touch. Bejeweled 2 is The Bomb.
5. Being at peace. It's been tough, but I think that I'm there. Almost. Kind of. So help me, dammit.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Weird weather. Either be cold or be warm or rain or snow. Make up your fraking mind.
2. Budget cuts. But, they all make sense and it's liberating in a strange way.
3. Sciatica (or whatever the hell it is) in my left butt cheek. At least it's not radiating down my leg.
   
4. Having to take down the few Christmas decorations that I put up in the first place. Where did the season go?
5. The way that the house can become a mess even when we're never here. What's up with that? I feel like I'm constantly cleaning. I can't imagine how terrible it would be if we had kids.
6. Mustaches. They don't bother me when they're on men, as they're supposed to be, but on me? Hate. It. Bring on the depilatories.
   

Dude!

I have several pairs of pants that have been quite tight recently. So tight, in fact, that I wasn't able to button them and breathe.

Now, they button. There is even a little wiggle room. Who'd a thunk it?

Move that Booty

Sooooooo tired. But, it's a good tired (even though I only had two hours of sleep last night).

I have been sleeping at every opportunity, but in a good way. If you can call sleeping all day "in a good way." Job # 1 has been incredibly busy, between the holidays and all of the restocking afterward. I haven't been to Job #2, but will go back on Sunday. It feels so good to be doing brainless work.

No, that's not true. It's not brainless, because much of the work that I've been doing at Job #1 has required forethought and planning. And merchandising vision. Can't forget the vision. But, as most of the planning is done for me, I don't have to think too hard. It's kind of nice. It sure beats the hell out of being stuck at the cash register all day.

Now, I just have to learn how to sleep again. Last night was particularly rough because H was thrashing about. I ended up leaving our room and camping out in one of the spare rooms. It was bad enough that both cats defected with me. I would like to go to sleep now but it is a little too early. I do have my pajamas on, though.

New Year, New You

Like millions of other Americans, I make lots of resolutions every January First that I never, ever keep. Many of my resolutions don't even make it past the first week of January. Keeping that in mind, I'm going to keep it simple this year.

I am going to learn how to let go.

Let's face it... my life has differed wildly from what I hoped or expected. And, that is fine. Really. I have a wonderful husband, family, friends, job. I need to count my blessings and let go of everything else.

I don't need to make a small fortune. I certainly don't need a lot of job pressure or travel. I don't need to have a Blackberry. I don't need business cards. I do need to feel appreciated. I need to put the right thing in people's hands at the right time. I need to get exercise. I need to be able to shut it off when I walk out the door.

Most importantly, I don't need to control every situation that I'm in. I never did anyway, but deluded myself into thinking that I had some say.

It's all about delusions in the long run, isn't it?