Coming Around

I got through the entire day without taking Tylenol, falling down, or needing a nap. Progress is being made. I was very nearly a disaster at the store, though, as it took me forever to do anything and I tripped over two different boxes. The scariest part of the almost-tripping is that my heart rate skyrocketed. I was truly terrified of falling. Of breaking wine bottles, not so much.

Subversive Thought of the Day

I understand that there are a great many people that would be in jeopardy if a virulent strain of Swine Flu... H and me with our compromised immune systems included. But, doesn't this seem to be a tempest in a teapot up to this point?

It seems like an awfully slow news cycle for everyone to be fussing over this. I hope that I'm not wrong about it.

Wash your freaking hands! Don't pick your nose! Don't sneeze on anyone! Good grief. Use your damn common sense.

Lost and Not Yet Found

This whole head trauma thing has freaked me out more than a little.

I am an incredibly clumsy person. There is truly not a graceful cell in my body. I am always having small but humorous disasters. Yesterday, though, I outdid even myself.

We did our Once-a-Month Cooking thing yesterday at our house. It went well, and was only moderately chaotic, until we realized that we were short one pork chop. One lonely, stinkin' pork chop. So, because I have a freezer full of goodies from Omaha Steaks, I crouched down in front of the freezer to dig around and find that one lonely, stinkin' pork chop. In the process, I lost my balance, fell backwards, and hit my head on the counter on our center island. Hard.

I didn't lose consciousness, thank God. But, my vision did black out and I could only see peripherally for what felt like forever. During the blackout, I did see someone rushing at me at the speed of light. When I finally came around fully, I realized that it was K. I didn't have any pain initially, but the headache increased as the knot on the back of my head grew.

At first, I didn't feel so terrible. But, as time elapsed, I started to feel as though I was drunk and underwater. Everything was moving slowly, and I felt very slurry. I also couldn't remember anything from minute to minute. The girls got the kitchen cleaned up, they went home, and I dragged myself upstairs to discuss with H and Mom. J came over after D told him what happened, and he reminded me that his mother died of a similar injury. Point taken.

We decided to go to the ER. A few hours later, after a CT scan, we learned that everything was okay. I did not have a concussion, as I never lost consciousness, but I did have some pretty solid head trauma. And, my brain had gotten a bit of a stir and I was certainly going to feel the effects for a few days. I didn't really put together how much of a stir that I had until I got to work tonight.

I had trouble making change. I put things in the wrong places. I couldn't bend over to straighten a shelf without my head throbbing. I couldn't finish sentences. In fact, I still can't even typing this now. I have already had to start over countless times because I can't remember what I meant to say. S said that I had a "puppy" look about me tonight. Normally, my look is serious and determined and I simply wasn't all there. I would find myself zoning out and a few of our regulars called me on it.

I cannot imagine what it would feel like to be like this all of the time. I am certainly not the smartest person in the world, but I am sharp. I don't miss much and am very well spoken. But, for the next little while until my brain settles down, I am not well spoken and can't remember what I did 10 minutes ago. What of people that have injuries like this that are permanent? There are thousands of soldiers coming back from Iraq with brain injuries that will never heal. I'll bet that they have trouble finishing sentences as well.

I'll be fine, but I will always be terrified that this will happen again. Unfortunately, because I am a colossal clod, odds are against me. I will not argue about going to the ER next time.

Overheard at Krogzilla

"These are cute."

"Yep."

"Would you like one?"

"No, thanks. I have way too many as it is."

"I'll get one for you if you would like. I should also get one for Mom and one for P for Mother's Day."

"Maybe I should get one for YOU for Mother's Day."

"You don't have to do that."

"No, but I want to."

"Are you sure that you don't want one?"

"Thanks, but I'm fine. Which one do you want?"

"Oh, I don't know..."

"Okay. One of each."

"Oh, no. Don't do that."

And the cycle continues. Don't tell me that you don't have the same conversation with your mother every time that you go shopping anywhere.

Eeeeeeew?

J brought home a durian.

I have heard about them for a long time, especially on the Travel Channel. Bourdain loves them. Zimmern thinks that they smell like death. They are banned on subways, airplanes, buses, and in hotels all over Southeast Asia I was terrified, but I wanted to try it.

He had it broken open and cut up by the time I got over to his driveway (as D sure as hell wasn't going to let him try it in the house). It looked gross... like big, off-white maggots with pink tips. D was already bemoaning the smell in the kitchen. But, I didn't smell a thing. I even stuck my face in the container to breathe deeply. Nothing.

Now, for the taste. D tried it and looked like she wanted to throw up. She said that all she tasted was onions and garlic. I tried it and got pineapple that had been marinated in onions and garlic. Very different reactions. When J opened it up, B said that it smelled like custard. I didn't really love it, but I could understand why people might. I did object to the texture, though. It was mushy and slightly stringy and just not pleasant. I had a hard time choking it down because of the texture, not because of the taste.

The dogs all had different reactions as well. Ginger, Cleo and Gus couldn't get enough of it. They were practically knocking J over to get to it. Emma, however, wouldn't go near it.

When I came back in the house, I asked H if he could smell it on me at all, and he said no. While the aftertaste did go on for a while, it wasn't unbearable. Of course, I was swigging Merlot out of dread of the aftertaste, so that might have helped.

All in all, it was interesting. I would be very interested to try one again to see if I have the same reaction.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Annie. She's been very attentive and affectionate lately. She hasn't left my side all day so far.
2. Peonies that are about to explode in a mass of color.
3. Mom is coming tomorrow!
4. Planning to see D in a few weeks.
5. Getting a lot done around the house. Yay, normalcy!
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Bills, bills everywhere.
2. Jacking up my back moving around cases of cheap wine.
   
3. The overwhelming amount of yard work that needs to be done (but some will be alleviated by #3 above).
4. Killing things unintentionally. Poor basil sprouts. I'm so inept.
   
5. Being lied to. I should be amused that I know the truth behind the lie, but it still irritates me to be lied to.
   

Boy, I Suck

I didn't mean to do it.

I thought that I was doing everything right. I planted the little basil sprouts in a pot with good, fresh potting soil. I watered, fertilized, talked to, loved. Then, I put the pot outside with the other herbs so that the sprouts could get fresh air and sunshine.

I was completely mistaken.

They're not completely dead yet, although they look very rough. At least they're not crispy. I brought the pot inside so that I can continue to water, fertilize, talk to, love. Perhaps Mom will have some words of wisdom when she gets here tomorrow. I hope.

Update at 11:28: Oh, it's dead. It's DED dead. Now it's starting to get crispy. I feel terrible. I doubt that even Mom will be able to resurrect this one. Let's hope that K doesn't ask about it on Sunday.

Subversive Thought of the Day

I wholeheartedly approve of using florescent light bulbs. I have a lot of them in my own house. However, I refuse to throw out perfectly good light bulbs that rarely get used (like in the guest bath) to replace them with more environmentally correct ones. Being wasteful isn't green.

Pale Green

I just planted the rest of my flowers and herbs. Here's the updated list:

1. Two flat-leaved Italian parsley (one will probably go to D)
2. Sweet Basil
   
3. Oregano
4. Jalapeno peppers
5. some kind of Tomato
   
6. Basil seedlings from K
7. Cilantro (which will definitely not go to D)
8. Rosemary
   
9. Five different containers of petunias in varying shades of dark purple
10. Catnip (inside for the beasts)
11. a sticky-uppy plant to take to the store.
    

Except for the seedlings from K, they are all little plants. I am neither brave nor patient enough to start things from scratch. It looks as though she started them in an egg carton. They're adorable and I will try my best not to kill them.

The tomato and jalapeno are completely uncharted territory. The long-term plan is that I will become a tomato goddess and that next year I will grow lots of Roma tomatoes for canning. It would be incredible to make my own pasta sauce with my own tomatoes. K and D and I are going to work on canning this fall. Should be interesting. I also want to learn how to dry herbs, as I will most likely have a hell of a lot of them.

I put everything into containers, as I distrust my abilities. Or, perhaps I should say, I recognize my lack of abilities. This way, if they start getting crunchy, I can bring them all inside and ignore them more directly.

I meant to take pictures, but the battery on the camera is dead right now. I'll post them after I charge the stupid thing up. I'll also take pics of the blooming stuff in the yard. The clematis that I planted at the mailbox last year and ignored has gotten huge and is blooming. It's gorgeous and I can take absolutely no credit for it.

Earthy

I didn't even realize that today was Earth Day. I've intentionally kept myself in somewhat of a media black out, so it snuck up on me. But, why should we celebrate the Earth only once a year?

It's so simple.

• Recycle. Recycle something. Recycle anything.
  
• Plant. Put a pot of flowers for your front porch.
  
• Reuse. Get a travel cup instead of having to throw out a Starbucks cup every day.
• Light. Use florescent bulbs when you can.
  
• Switch. Turn the bloody lights off!
  

Okay. I'm done lecturing now. I should be happy that there is such a big discussion about Earth Day, and hopefully this means that some people will start reforming their ways as a result. Every little bit helps.

Inappropriate

I understand completely why women don't want to look older than they actually are. Given that I've been obsessed with eye wrinkles and concealer lately, I'm certainly not one to throw stones. However, I have noticed some women older than I am dressing like they are 16.

Here are some things that I swear that I will never do:

1. Wear flourescent nail polish, especially on toes. Orange is the worst. Orange with bunions is even more horrific.
2. Wear animal prints. I don't mean a simple scarf or a purse, but animal prints on everything. Purse. Wallet. Keychain. Shirt. Sandals. Eyeglass frames. I'm sure that they have a house full of that crap as well.
   
3. Show wrinkly cleavage. If you have it, flaunt it. Just look at it in the mirror before you leave the house, please. The only thing grosser than huge plastic boobs is huge plastic wrinkly ones with the wrinkly neck to match.
   
4. Wear rhinestones. Enough. Not everything has to be sparkly. Sadly, when everything sparkles, it draws attention to things that might be best not seen (see wrinkly cleavage).
   
5. Wear skin tight shirts with weird prints and text in foreign languages. Not unlike getting a tattoo in Chinese text and not really understanding what it means. Invariably, those same ugly shirts are covered in rhinestones.
   

This doesn't mean that every woman should be outfitted by Talbot's or LL Bean. Actually, perhaps they should. Blech.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Peonies that apparently grew out of nowhere and are going to bloom soon.
2. Heidi Collins. I want to look like Heidi Collins. Totally my girl crush.
3. H's foot appears to be healing nicely. X-ray today.
   
4. Cookie is starting to come out more, and took a nap with me yesterday.
5. Susan Boyle. She has the voice of an angel.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Not being able to help family and friends that are so upset.
2. Digital cable that still isn't working properly.
3. Regular discussions about cash flow.
4. Constant headaches/allergies/sinus crap. I guess that's the price we pay for flowers.
   
5. Missing my dad so much.

Wine of the Day

Les Charmes chardonnay. French, lightly oaked, lots of minerality. I'm not a huge fan of chardonnay, especially oaky chardonnay, but this is okay. I prefer more fruit in my wine. This is nice and light, though.

Thumbs up.

Favorite Smells

I just got a blast of one, so I thought that it would be fun to list more.

1. Nilla Wafers just after you open the foil bag.
   
2. H.
3. Jo Malone Orange Blossom perfume.
   
4. Anything that has been in the crock pot all day.
5. Warm cat.
   
6. Campfires.
   
7. Windex (especially when someone else has used it).
8. Earth after the rain.
   
9. Fresh herbs... really doesn't matter which one.
   
10. Lilacs.
    

Circles

It occurred to me yesterday that I need a good under eye concealer. I was looking at myself in the mirror at the store, and I looked OLD. I'm sure that the florescent lights didn't help, but it made me anxious.

I really don't have any wrinkles to speak of, and am very careful about using good eye moisturizers every single day. But, I could use a little brightening. I had a roommate in college that had huge black circles under her eyes even after a solid night of sleep. Granted, I didn't see her very often in the morning because she was a slut and shacked a lot. I'm sure that she scared lots of fraternity boys.

Ah, vanity.

Aaaaaachoooooo

I never really had allergies until I moved to Tennessee. The only problem I had was that I was not able to breathe around horses.

Now that we've been here for almost five years, I just have to accept the fact that I Have Allergies. I've been laboring under the delusion that I have just had various colds. I rarely wear a coat and I have a tendency to leave a bedroom window open even when it's 40.

Most of the time, it's not an issue. Every once in a while, though, my sinuses go crazy. I have all kinds of tolerance for pain, but sinus pain turns me into a screaming bitch. I bought a neti pot, and that seems to help, but it still sneaks up on me once in a while. I just don't want to get into the habit of taking more pills on a regular basis.

I'm sure that all of the cat fur doesn't help.

...and You're Out

D's father died yesterday.

G's house was completely demolished by a tornado last Friday.

Mom lost her job today. She had been there for over 20 years.

And, last but certainly not least, Ike-a-saurus is back in the hospital yet again.

Actually, that makes four strikes, doesn't it?

I am vacillating between being sad and furious and confused. What in the hell is going on? I can't remember such a lousy 24 hours with such horrible news since my father died. I'm afraid to answer my phone.

Suck it, universe.

Egged On

Yes, I understand that it's hard for a little kid to sit still for long periods of time. I don't expect them to do that, especially during a Very Boring Mass. And, I also understand that kids are hopped up on all kinds of candy on Easter morning. But, the following sightings really pissed me off today:

• Punching.
  
• Crawling under seats.
  
• Running around/twirling dresses.
• Climbing up parents.
• Coloring.

All of these transgressions were committed by kids that were 4 or 5. In other words, they were absolutely old enough to know how to behave.

Of course, you want to go to Mass. It's Easter, and it's the only time of the year (besides Christmas) that you go. But, what kind of a message are you sending to your little darlings by letting them behave in a beastly fashion? Please note that I don't mind crying. Little ones do that. But, if you're spending all of your time playing cop to your kids, you aren't getting anything out of Mass either. Watch it on EWTN. Don't inflict them on people that are trying to worship.

/rant

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Sitting on the couch in H's lair, trying to understand whatever in the hell he is talking about regarding the surround sound. Love the man dearly, but just turn it on, turn it on again. Quit messin' with my Genesis.
   
2. Spending exactly what I wanted to spend at Krogzilla and getting everything on my list.
3. Dramatic masses during Easter week. Holy Thursday is my favorite, but I missed it (of course).
4. Planning and cooking lovely meals for holidays.
5. Planting pretty flowers and herbs and hoping that they don't die.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Needing a kleenex and never having one when I need it.
   
2. Old cats chasing new cats, and new cats not understanding that old cat just wants to play.
3. Dodgy internet connections.
4. Constant tornado sirens at the store. Can you say "boy who cried wolf?"
5. Weeds. Not weed, but weeds.
   

There's a Hole in My...

Watering can. Crap. How does one get a hole in a plastic watering can?

I bought a relatively small amount of dark purple petunias and some herbs yesterday. It's well known that I'm not a gardener. Every year I plant things that don't make it through the summer. However, I do have a number of annuals in my yard (things that come back), such as tulips and peonies, that are doing beautifully. The clematis that I planted last year around my mailbox have just exploded and should bloom any day. So, this year, I am determined to keep things alive for a while.

After dinner, I realized that I was feeling a little better and that I should get the plants in while I had that short window. I planted seven herbs... okay, six and a tomato plant... in containers and a flat of petunias in the planter box and three hanging planters. I still have a huge bag of potting soil left over. I left them all at the top of the driveway because we are supposed to get rain over the next few days.

Once you plant something, you are supposed to water it. I got out the Miracle Gro, filled up the watering can, and got soaked. I thought that it was just because I was sloppy and tired, but no! There is a freaking hole in my watering can! Great.

To add insult to injury, I was sure that I bought cilantro. Instead, I bought two flat-leaved parsleys and no cilantro. Perhaps D had an inadvertent hand in it, because she hates cilantro. I should just give her one of the parsleys.

I'll need to learn how to upload images to this so that someone can hold me accountable for potential plant murder.

Soooooo...

I went back to bed. I'm in bed now, with the ceiling fan on and the windows open. All three cats are in the room with me. I just need to sleep for a little while longer.

I just talked to H a little while ago and he reiterated my need to call the doctor. Yeah, I get it. But, I also believe that there won't really be anything that the doctor could do.

H also asked how I manage to work. I don't have much of a choice there. I save all of my strength and go in and do whatever needs to be done. But, that's it for the energy. The work is physically demanding, and I love it, but it taps me out completely.

So I sleep. For a little while, anyway.

Feeling Lousy

I can't seem to shake this thing. I was tired yesterday afternoon, so I lay down at 6. I didn't wake up again until 10:30 this morning. The kicker is that I didn't take any meds, or drink any alcohol, to facilitate it. I just slept.

H is very irritated with me. Perhaps he's annoyed because he wants to be able to sleep like that, but he crashes on weekends when I'm working. I did promise to make dinner last night but was sleeping, so he warmed up a frozen pizza. He was also very short with me this morning. I don't get it.

I also still feel very, very lousy. When will this end?

Experiments with Food

D called yesterday to tell me that J had brought a Buddha's Hand home from Krogzilla. Neither of us had any idea what to do with it, but she had read online that it's great for infusing in vodka.

Right up my alley, no?

I know that Hangar One makes a Buddha's Hand vodka, but I haven't tried it yet. The Buddha's Hand is citron, and is incredibly unfortunate looking. So unfortunate, in fact, that J likes to freak D out by waving it at her. So, we decided to infuse some vodka with it.

From all reports, it will take a month for it to steep. I bought some decent yet inexpensive French grape vodka to use in the steeping. We both have bottles ready to go.

The interesting thing about Buddha's Hand is, unlike many other citrus fruits, the pith (white part) is not bitter. In fact, none of it is bitter. We just have no idea what to do with it. So, in addition to making our two bottles of infusions, we:

• Put some in Kosher salt a la preserved Moroccan lemons.
• Put a little bit in sugar for her kids to snack on. Seriously yummy.
• Put a baggie of roughly chopped stuff in the freezer to see how it holds up.
• Minced some to put in a mini crock pot to use as potpourri.
• Put mainly the piths in baggies to throw in the garbage disposal to freshen the kitchen.
  

Reportedly, you can make candy out of it, but we haven't delved that far yet. I'm seriously thinking about buying beautiful bottles at Pier 1 and making bottles of the vodka infusion for Christmas gifts.

More to follow. We won't be able to drink it for a month. I'm not a huge fan of vodka, but this is entirely too cool to pass up.

Fear

Over the years, I've learned to handle the paranoia and discomfort and inconvenience that comes with Crohn's disease. I always know where a bathroom is. I always have baby wipes and gauze pads. I know which foods will cause endless agony and avoid them. But, sometimes it comes back and smacks me without warning.

I've been feeling ooky all day. By "ooky" I mean not quite up to par, but not miserable. Over the course of the day, my exhaustion and nausea has built. I was attributing all of it to the fact that I hardly slept last night. I ran a lot of errands after work, and crashed when I got home. Normally, when I nap hard like that, I feel better from the ook standpoint.

I woke up at 9 feeling worse.

(this is where it gets gross, so you've been warned)

Diarrhea is a fact of life for me, and that's really not a problem. It's so much a fact of life that I start to worry if I have anything else BUT diarrhea. Today, in addition to horrible nausea, I have hardly had any poo at all. What poo there has been is tiny and very unlike my normal horrors. But, there have been copious amounts of gas. So, gas + nausea - poo = TROUBLE.

I have never had problems with strictures, so we're pretty sure that's not an issue. Besides, little bits of pseudo-poo have been escaping along with the gas. But, it's normal for someone that is having a flare (in other words, have ulcers in the intestinal tract) to have the poo slowed down or stopped entirely. Great! No diarrhea, huh? That sounds lovely, but the problem is that it comes with pain.

Lots and lots and lots of pain.

Think about small animals with sharp claws running amok in your guts. Or, think of the worst menstrual cramps that you've ever had all over your abdomen, not just in your uterus. Add to that excitement the fact that you can place your hand on your abdomen and feel the poo trying to escape. It can't though. Reinforcements need to be called in.

H, my beloved, beloved H, just went to the 24-hour Kroger to get some Fleet Phosphosoda and some prune juice. He's pretty insistent that I try the Fleet first, even though it has a history of making me vomit instantly. I just mixed up a batch of Lime Koolaid to try to mask it. At least I don't have to drink the entire bottle, like I would for a colonoscopy prep. You haven't experienced misery until you've had to drink that shit. But, I digress. If I can get some of that down, along with some prune juice, perhaps we'll be able to get things moving. Hopefully, we'll keep the vomiting down to a minimum.

On a happy note, all three girls know that something is up and they're hovering. Cookie is growling, of course, but that's okay. They're all here and they're being very supportive. I'm sure that they'll also stick their paws under the bathroom door as I'm running in and out all night.

I'm not sure why this is upsetting me so much. I think that it's because it has been a long time since I've had to deal with this, and it came on so suddenly. Hopefully, this will work and I'll be as right as rain (or snow) in the morning.

In the mean time, it looks to be a long, long night.

Subversive Thought of the Day

Blue, green, and black nail polish gross me out. They all look like fungus, especially on feet.

Menu Mania

I just finished the April shopping list for Fix it & Forget it. This one was pretty laborious, as we are preparing six meals instead of four or five. And, several of the recipes have quite a few ingredients. But, some of the ingredients are to be used in more than one recipe, so that helps cut down on the shopping a little.

Most of the recipes are very easy to put together, and only one needs to be cooked before freezing. All of the prep should be a snap. We're making:

Marinated chicken (with onion and garlic)
Mozzarella-filled meatballs
Oven-baked breaded pork chops
Margarita pork chops
Mango cranberry chicken
Marinated flank steak

I can't wait to see how inexpensive this ends up being. And, we'll have margaritas while we cook!

Proud Mommy

I'm so proud of Annie. She is handling the new addition to our family incredibly well. So well, in fact, that she hasn't been this social in years. She lets different people touch her, she hangs around with us, she purrs, and she stays in the same room with both of the other girls. I am thrilled and stunned. I never, ever would have expected this.

Five for Friday

Things that make me happy:

1. Picking up extra hours.
2. Wanting something sweet and eating yogurt.
   
3. Beautiful tulips and hyacinths.
4. Alton Brown.
5. Tasting wonderful wines with reps.
   

Things that make me less than happy:

1. Broken feet. At least H doesn't need surgery. Thank God.
   
2. Gator attacks. I'm just so tired.
3. Kitty litter everywhere.
4. Not knowing what to do with my hair. I need a new look.
5. Dust, dust, dust.
   

Fools

I hate April Fools Day. I always have.

I don't play tricks on people. They have enough of a challenge keeping up with my craziness on a regular basis.