Fear

Over the years, I've learned to handle the paranoia and discomfort and inconvenience that comes with Crohn's disease. I always know where a bathroom is. I always have baby wipes and gauze pads. I know which foods will cause endless agony and avoid them. But, sometimes it comes back and smacks me without warning.

I've been feeling ooky all day. By "ooky" I mean not quite up to par, but not miserable. Over the course of the day, my exhaustion and nausea has built. I was attributing all of it to the fact that I hardly slept last night. I ran a lot of errands after work, and crashed when I got home. Normally, when I nap hard like that, I feel better from the ook standpoint.

I woke up at 9 feeling worse.

(this is where it gets gross, so you've been warned)

Diarrhea is a fact of life for me, and that's really not a problem. It's so much a fact of life that I start to worry if I have anything else BUT diarrhea. Today, in addition to horrible nausea, I have hardly had any poo at all. What poo there has been is tiny and very unlike my normal horrors. But, there have been copious amounts of gas. So, gas + nausea - poo = TROUBLE.

I have never had problems with strictures, so we're pretty sure that's not an issue. Besides, little bits of pseudo-poo have been escaping along with the gas. But, it's normal for someone that is having a flare (in other words, have ulcers in the intestinal tract) to have the poo slowed down or stopped entirely. Great! No diarrhea, huh? That sounds lovely, but the problem is that it comes with pain.

Lots and lots and lots of pain.

Think about small animals with sharp claws running amok in your guts. Or, think of the worst menstrual cramps that you've ever had all over your abdomen, not just in your uterus. Add to that excitement the fact that you can place your hand on your abdomen and feel the poo trying to escape. It can't though. Reinforcements need to be called in.

H, my beloved, beloved H, just went to the 24-hour Kroger to get some Fleet Phosphosoda and some prune juice. He's pretty insistent that I try the Fleet first, even though it has a history of making me vomit instantly. I just mixed up a batch of Lime Koolaid to try to mask it. At least I don't have to drink the entire bottle, like I would for a colonoscopy prep. You haven't experienced misery until you've had to drink that shit. But, I digress. If I can get some of that down, along with some prune juice, perhaps we'll be able to get things moving. Hopefully, we'll keep the vomiting down to a minimum.

On a happy note, all three girls know that something is up and they're hovering. Cookie is growling, of course, but that's okay. They're all here and they're being very supportive. I'm sure that they'll also stick their paws under the bathroom door as I'm running in and out all night.

I'm not sure why this is upsetting me so much. I think that it's because it has been a long time since I've had to deal with this, and it came on so suddenly. Hopefully, this will work and I'll be as right as rain (or snow) in the morning.

In the mean time, it looks to be a long, long night.